“A Tale of an American Political Prisoner”
Pat 7.4: The DC Gulag; Washington, DC
–Making Halloween Lemonade–
by: Jessica Watkins (Political Prisoner #26050-509)

A True Story; 100% verifiable with Text Messages, Emails, Video/Audio, Court Documents and Testimony.

The failed J6 protest came and went, and at this point the year was really starting to drag on. We’d been in C2B for 9 months and we’d been through the proverbial wringer. We had to actively attempt to make the best of our situation, which was god-awful at best. So much had happened. Some of it was big notable J6 news. Other events were small scale stuff, us just trying to survive in a hellish environment. We were desperate for something to do. So anything that happened was something, and if it wasn’t traumatizing it was good. It’s the little things. One time Cleveland found a mouse curled up in his clothes inside a foot locker.. We packed into Cleve’s cell to see the little sucker, and it seemed so weak and emaciated; completely unresponsive. We flipped it over and found there was a massive “Botfly Larvae”, a parasite, latched on it’s underbelly. It had crawled into Cleve’s locker to die. But we J6ers are the people that root for the underdog, and we hate parasites. So. We did what anyone would do… we did emergency “Mouse Surgery” on it. Bobby put the parasite in a jar, and we brought the lil guy back to life! Bobby adopted it, and soon it was back to full health and was off to go rejoin the greater jailmouse population. Bobby also glued a cicada to his wall for some reason and kept a bowl full of worms and beetles. He was the C2B Dr. Dolittle.

Speaking of Bobby, he and DooDoo McGrew were basically our personal Martha Stewarts. Now, you’d think that ME being the only woman in the pod… well, you’d think I would be the Martha Stewart one. But nope. I was too busy doing interior decorating and playing Magic. But more on that in a moment. This is about them. Now, DooDoo and Bobby were some of the most amazing jailhouse chefs one could imagine. They used Commissary items to whip up all SORTS of delectible treats. They were really good at it. They always had enough to share, running around delivering ridiculously unhealthy snacks and foods. But it was so good, that I would have paid money for it on the outside world. No freakin’ joke. While they were whipping up amazing items, I turned my cell into practically a little apartment. I had gone outside and gotten MORE plants to replace Ziggy, accepting the risk that they too could be taken. I just flaunted the rules, and put more in my cell. I had a sheet rigged up as curtains around my window slit. I plastered cute pictures over the walls. I had chairs with a footlocker in my cell set up as a little coffee table. I had colorful lighting set up on my lights (held on with toothpaste). I used the tablet as music. I had stolen a folding table from the dayroom and held Magic the Gathering Tournaments in my cell with Sabol, Reffitt, and Miller. By then, I had a LOT of the “picture Magic cards” and I had fashioned homemade dice out of toilet paper. Very good dice at that. I will have Montana post some pictures of them at some point. I digress. Anyway, you can ask ANYONE from C2B. My cell was the bomb. It was almost like a home. Almost.

This was kinda the golden era for us in C2B. The guards were starting to realize that we were actually just nice people that were stuck in there. A few of them probably secretly pitied us. All the shitty guards got bored of picking on us, and the good Officers like Hubbard, Abdullah, and Skeeter (Swami) well they were the ones who enjoyed running our cell block. We treated them with respect, and we did as we were told. And we were given the leeway to have some semblence of a normal life. As Halloween drew nearer and nearer, C2B started making plans. There was a Costume Contest, a Hopium Den, and I made plans to turn my cell into a Haunted House. First let me explain something. When I was a Firefighter, every year my Fire Dept. ran the “Stoney Point Trail of Terror”. It was a SMASHING success, and the proceeds funded our Emergency Operations for the year. So, I had a LOT of experience in making Haunted Houses out of (essentially) nothing. I turned those skills onto my cell, and made my preparations. I bought Commissary items weeks in advance to prepare for the big day. I had candy for Trick or Treat, props, and soon the day would be upon us. I took my cell, and divided it into two segments: The desk/bed area and the toilet/sink area and divided them with Foot Lockers and sheets. I blacked out the windows with heavy blankets. For the bunk/desk area. I used Koolaid and a tiny bit of water to make blood. I used Ramen Noodles as intestines. I “tied” Sabol to my bed, and had his “guts” ripped out. I had “bottles of poison” on the desk surrounding the bowl of candy.

For the sink/toilet area, I had a chair over the toilet. Pete Schwartz was dressed as an executioner, and Tic Tac was in the chair; pretending to be Tom Sibbick being “tortured”. Pete would “electrocute him” and yell “Confess, snitch! Confess!” while Tic Tac screamed “They made me sing the Anthem!” (very funny). Outside the door was my wicked Door Troll, Guy Reffitt, who flicked the lights in the cell, creating a strobe effect. So imagine if you will. Reffit says in a raspy voice “Pick the candy, not the poison!”, and shoves you into a pitch black jail cell and SLAMS the door. Strobes begin to go off, and you see an executioner torturing a man in a chair. You turn the corner, and there Sabol is, covered in blood, guts and viscera, screaming in agony. Then *BAM* it’s me! I’m in a white bedsheet for a dress, I’ve got my long hair combed over my face, making the “EHHHhhhhEhhheEHehhhhhh” noise like the girl from The Grudge or The Ring. I was hiding under the desk all along, grabbing at their ankles. It got them EVERY time! 100% jump scare rate. My Haunted House stole the day; we had a line wrapped around C2B waiting to go in. DooDoo loved it so much, I think he went through the line 4-5 times. It was awesome; one of my best memories from C2B. Even one of the (shall remain unnamed) CO’s wanted to go through. The CO just made us leave the door open for safety reasons. But the CO loved it. Halloween was a resounding success. I will remember it fondly until the day I die. You know how the saying goes, “When the Democrats hand you lemons, you make Halloween awesome…” I think that’s how that saying goes. Something like that…